Me, or Something Like Her

I'm nearly starting to feel like myself again. By "nearly" I mean, closer-than-I-have-in-months-but-not-quite-where-I-used-to-be. So many things have transpired since summer began, that I'm beginning to think I've lost the old me altogether. That may not be a bad thing. I haven't decided yet.

So, here's what the "new" me (if indeed that's who she is) is doing differently:

1. She's trying to hold her tongue more. You're welcome.
2. She's trying to be more conscious of others' needs (as opposed to her own).
3. She's trying to find a reasonable balance between stay-at-home-mom and business owner, though success can only be measured in moments at this point.
4. She's showering almost daily. Again, you're welcome.
5. She's trying to focus on the future rather than dwell in the past.
6. She's still a terrible housekeeper.
7. She's becoming a good cook.
8. She's searching for ways to circumvent her ADHD in order to maintain some semblance of organization in her life.
9. She's definitely a better wife.
10. She's trying to turn her self-talk (you know, that voice in her head...) from negative to positive.
11. She's reading more, though finishing 2 novels in 3 days probably has a direct correlation to #6...
12. She's giving up on making lists. Just kidding. She's not a schizophrenic...we don't think.

I didn't realize that letting go of those parts of myself that are ineffective or (for lack of a better term) cancerous was going to feel so much like an amputation. Some of my characteristics, behaviors and attitudes have been so deeply ingrained for so long that I've surprised myself with the domino effect of changing just one thing, let alone a long list of things.

So please bear with me as I make a monumental effort to put off the natural man. He's fighting me tooth and nail.