Movin' on Up, to the East Side.....

Since there is no part of the cat that is actually still in the bag, thanks to my loose-lipped children and a few others, I guess I can finally share with you all that after nearly 11 years of giving half our lives to the mortuary, we are FINALLY leaving!!!!  I know, I know, it's hard to believe.  I was with all of you who thought we were destined to be here forever, but the stars have aligned, and there is a 6 bedroom, 3 bathroom home in the foothills of Layton, just waiting for the Stringhams to grace its doorway!  (Not to mention the 5 mature fruit trees and beautiful large garden area at the back of a huge backyard!)  Our official move-in date will be March 1, though we've been gradually moving things over for a couple of weeks now.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to be saving $300/month just in gas money! Being closer to the school is a huge bonus, but the best part, I think, is the fact that we will no longer be chained to our home every other weekend, or miss out on anything scheduled for Tuesday or Thursday nights.  What a relief!

So if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm busy working full-time (still subbing for a teacher on maternity leave), trying to pack my house up, move-in to the new house, patch up and clean the old house, and still find time to nurse my baby and do homework with my kids.  Phew!  Thank goodness Princess Gretchen is now consistently sleeping about 8 hours every night, or I might just go crazy! :)

The Right Stuff.

So I was pretty much a blogging slacker in 2011, but in my defense, I've been busily living mi vida loca! 

I don't know why the new year always brings such a sense of relief to me--it's not like anything has changed considering yesterday was just yesterday, ya know?  That being said, 2011 was a challenging year for me, and probably like a lot of others, I didn't accomplish a lot of the things I was so gung-ho about when the year first began.  However, I was not so subtly reminded in Sacrament Meeting yesterday that I am often way too hard on myself.  I'm generally the kind of person who jumps in feet-first to the new year with all sorts of thoughts and ideas about how to improve myself and the environment I am surrounded by, but I fail to look back at the things I did right.  And while I do have goals and things I want to work on improving for 2012, I'm trying to remember to be gentle with myself, after all this life is a training ground where we are able to learn from our mistakes rather than be condemned by them. (Bruce C. Hafen)  So before I make the jump ahead, I'm taking stock of what I did right so that I can recognize and repeat the patterns that got me there.

1.  I bought my very first parenting book called Parenting with Love and Logic, and read it in almost one day.  While I'm not an expert, I've been using their techniques, and it's making me feel like a parenting rock star! It has taught me that I don't have to be in control of everything (whoa!) and that my children are perfectly capable of making choices on their own and dealing with the consequences of those decisions.  Our home has been a much happier place since mama figured a few things out.  What I learned: It's okay to not have all the answers as long as you go and look for them.

2.  Despite my dread over another pregnancy, we followed the spirit and added Gretchen Caroline to our family.  Every time I look at her, hold her, feed her, think about her--I am reminded that it was absolutely the right decision to bring her here and that she was meant to be our caboose, even though we went into this thinking we were giving Dixon a brother.  All is as it should be.  What I learned:  Follow the Spirit. Period.

3.  The Great Purge of 2011 was so, so right!  Clearing out our clutter and reclaiming the space in our home did more for my peace of mind than anything else I did all year long.  It made me see that I could undertake a huge project (while pregnant, no less!) and succeed in accomplishing something so daunting.  Because of the great purge, I have begun to work on living within my means in other aspects of my life, and this will certainly carry on into the new year.  What I learned: Organization = Peace.  AND, I can do hard things.

4.  I became a substitute teacher.  At first, it was only to supplement our income during the holiday season while work is slow for Mike, but because of my experiences so far, I will soon be going back to school to get my teaching license in conjunction with my Master of Arts in Teaching degree.  It's quite ironic, since I remember vividly my time at BYU when I mocked all the "Molly's" who were majoring in Elementary Education. "Of course you're an El. Ed. major!" I would think to myself with an obvious eye-roll, as another sweeter-than-sweet co-ed would introduce themselves at the beginning of a semester.  What I learned:  I LOVE teaching. AND, not all teachers are sweeter-than-sweet. :)

I've had a lot of little victories on my journey through 2011, but these are the major ones that I need to remind myself of when in the coming year I start to feel like I'm doing more wrongs than rights. 

With that, my resolve for 2012 is to Remember the Right and Press Forward.  It's gonna be a great year!

Gretchen Caroline

Well, she made it, and so did her mother!  Gretchen Caroline Stringham was born at 10:38 on Saturday, November 5, 2011, weighing in at a whopping 8 lbs. 14 oz. and was 20.5 inches long.  I was already dilated to a six when Dr. Boheen came in to break my water at 7:30 that morning.  The anesthesiologist came in pretty much immediately and inserted my epidural, but I have to say I was totally disappointed in it.  I don't know if I just wasn't dosing myself enough or if he used a different kind of medication, but the whole point of the epidural is to have a painless delivery, and I'm pretty sure I felt the majority of my contractions.  Not exactly how I wanted it to go, but at least it was pretty quick so I didn't have to suffer for too long.

After she was born, Mike and I decided against naming her Zoey.  It just didn't seem to fit.  Gretchen is a name that we had on our previous girl name list, and our favorite out of the bunch.  Kinda funny, but when we looked up the meaning of her name, this is what we found:

Gretchen is a German pet form of Margaret(h)e created from 'Gret' plus the diminutive suffix '-chen'. The German Gretchen is thus roughly equivalent to the English Maggie, both meaning 'pearl.'

Isn't that amusing?  Maggie couldn't be more proud.  As for the name Caroline, it comes from Mike's great-grandma Caroline Watterson (Dorothy's mother), and another one of his great-grandmothers, Caroline Behan (Barb's grandmother on her father's side).  We found out after giving the news to Dorothy that Caroline's birthday was the 7th.  Would've been neat to have her on the 7th, but let's be honest....I would've poked myself in the eye having to be pregnant for 2 more days.

Barb spent a few days here helping out with the housework and the kids.  It was so nice not to have to worry about any of it, especially since I've been having a harder time recovering this go-round.  And, really, who wouldn't want to wake up to fresh baked bread and hot cocoa with marshmallows every morning?

Gretchen is a little beauty.  I'm pretty sure I fell in love with her right from the start.  I've had to resort to pumping milk for a few days while I recover from her ravaging me, though.  Boy does this girl have an appetite!  One I wish she could suppress in the wee hours of the night, but we're getting better. (fingers crossed)

Yep, this little girl definitely belongs in our family, and I'm so glad our caboose is finally here and that I never have to do it again.

Still Here.

Yep.  Dilated to a 4, 60% effaced and all I get are irregular, painful contractions that are clearly not doing their work.  Maybe I should fire them.
We actually thought we might be ready to go on Friday night.  We got back from Trunk-or-Treat and I started having contractions every 5 minutes for over an hour, so we decided not to chance it.  I called my angel friend, Jen, and she dropped her movie plans and came over to sit with the kids.  On the way to the hospital, we got pulled over in Riverdale, due to the passenger side headlight being out.  I rarely drive anywhere at night, so I hadn't bothered to get it replaced.  Ha!  When Mike explained that we were on our way to the hospital, the officer quickly handed back his license and registration and said, "Well, we won't keep you here--you best be on your way!"  We laughed as he followed us all the way to the hospital.
Once there, my contractions stopped. I think I only had two while actually hooked up to the machine.  Grrrr.  They monitored me for about an hour & a half, but nothing was changing so they sent us home.  Bummer.  On the way back, we got pulled over in Riverdale again, this time for a brake light that was out.  {I love my suburban.}  Needless to say, Mike spent part of Saturday changing out a headlight and a brakelight.  Now when those dumb contractions finally get their act together we can make it to and from the hospital without incident.
Had my final appointment with Dr. Boheen this morning, and I'm still at a 4.  If I make it until Saturday, we'll induce at 7 am.  It's a weird situation to be in because I've never been this far along without being hooked up to an i.v. with an epidural already in my back.  It's completely reasonable (and therefore completely terrifying) that I'll start labor and have a baby in 5 minutes. (I really hope to not emulate you, Ashlee!)  It's also reasonable that my body isn't quite sure how to do this since every other time, it's been helped along by pitocin.  I may need help getting past this 4 and that's why things aren't progressing at all.

It's a control freak's nightmare.

So I'll keep you posted as to when this little one arrives.  Until then, I'll keep trying to figure out what her name will be.  Another thing we've usually already figured out by now.

The Big Picture

Ever since Mike was made the Bishop of our ward, he's had unexpected conversations with all sorts of people.  It's as if by virtue of his calling, people feel they can speak with him candidly about anything and everything. He's still trying to get used to the strangeness of it all.

A couple of weeks ago, he had one such conversation with a mortuary co-worker.  On a middle of the night removal, he confided in Mike that his wife was leaving him.  She told him she had fallen out of love with him six years ago.  He was beyond devastated.  He wasn't sure how he could afford all of the expenses that come with a divorce, nor was he sure he'd even be able to see his children much with his crazy mortuary work schedule.  Not to mention, he was still in love with his wife, who wanted nothing more to do with him.  Mike didn't know what to do or to say to him, just tried his best to console him.

Mike got a call today from a friend at the mortuary saying they'd found him today, having committed suicide sometime in the early morning.  Mike called me, sick to his stomach and said that he had a feeling this was going to happen after their conversation that night, but he just didn't know what to do about it.

I didn't know him well, but I admit, I've sat here with tears rolling down my cheeks for this poor man who truly felt as though he had nothing left to live for.  I've felt the pull of suicide only once in my life. (I was already somewhat depressed, and when I got on birth control for the first time, it whacked me out!  I never actually considered suicide, but the thought of it (while on that medication) sat just fine with me, and I immediately knew I had to get off the pill or something bad could happen.)  That was enough to scare the bajeebers out of me, and since that time, no matter how depressed I get, I never sink that deep.

Lately, we've been more stressed out than ever.  Not knowing if or when work will come, not knowing if Mike will be able to find full-time work, not knowing what direction to look in (let alone go in), plus the imminent arrival of baby #6, a wife that doesn't have the energy nor the gumption to take care of menial household duties (you should see my kitchen.....), and a whole slew of people who are coming out of the woodwork, demanding the Bishop's time, compassion, help, and advice.  (I'm completely overwhelmed, and I'm a secondary figure in this whole scheme!)

Then came the news of Jay's suicide.  I've tried and tried to reflect upon all the positive things we have going for us, but they were too few, too far between--until now.  It's possible that if something doesn't pan out soon, we'll have to go through some painful legal channels, including losing Mike's business to a bankruptcy.  It's not a road we want to take, so we're doing everything we can to avoid that, however, even if we are forced to go that route, the things that really matter will not change.  Whether or not Mike has full-time work, we have a stable, part-time job that includes a roof over our heads, electricity in the walls, and heat in the air.  We have a home to come home to.  We have food on our table, though sometimes, it's pancakes or cold cereal for dinner.  We have a  happy, loving marriage.  We have healthy, happy, smart, amazing, faith-filled children who fill us with more joy than they can know, and they have parents who are doing their best to love them and teach them and help them to become whom they are meant to become.  In the grand scheme of things, we really do have it all, and I'm so thankful for it.  I just need to remember it more often.

So far, so.....the same.

Feeling kinda bummed today.  Mike's interview got postponed until Wed., (which means more waiting) and we got 2 more rejection letters via email, including the job that we weren't really expecting to get, but were really hoping for anyway.  That plus pregnancy hormones makes me all sorts of negative and I HATE feeling this way.

Just this weekend I was visiting with a good friend of mine who was sharing some great news with me about the launch of her new business and a new home they're purchasing.  Within a week and a half everything just fell into place for them when they weren't even looking for it.  I'm over the moon happy for their family, but I can't help but wonder, what am I doing wrong?  Am I trying too hard?  I spend at least a couple of hours every day searching for jobs for Mike and the few that we've found, we've gotten rejection letters from. (Except for the one he's interviewing with on Wed.) I feel like I'm spending a LOT of energy just spinning my wheels and it's beyond frustrating for me.

I'm hoping that giving birth will finally give my mind and my emotions a break so I can see a little more clearly.  Until then, (THREE MORE WEEKS! For those of you who are keeping tabs...) I'll continue the search, and try to keep my stress levels in check.  It's been a helluva last couple of months.