Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Turning Point & Lesson Learned

This weekend was a true turning point for me. 

I spend a lot of time trying to function "in the moment" and losing sight of the future.  Sometimes--okay, MOST of the time--it's out of necessity.  Trying to get dinner ready while helping 3 kids with homework, a hungry, whiny baby at my hip while yelling at the 4 y.o. to stop banging on the piano tends to not bring out the best in me.  And after the meltdowns (by them and me), I'm filled with such regret that I didn't speak softly in the moment, then pray for forgiveness and help to do better the next day.  I've come to realize that preparation BEFORE those moments come can be the difference between the "Soft-Voiced Mom" and "Freak OUT Mom."  I'm trying to be better about it, but I'm not usually successful. 

As you know, I've been presented with an opportunity to make more of my business than I ever thought probable.  I've been scrambling the last couple of weeks to get everything ready for the trade shows that start in February, and freaking out and stressing out all along the way.  I've been swinging on a pendulum--back and forth--between "Get it all done, quick, quick, quick!" and "Just stop the madness now!  It's too much and you're neglecting too many other things!"   Amidst all the conflicting feelings, one little voice kept coming into my head, "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."

I've been buckled in the back seat, going along for the ride ever since I began this journey.  Things have fallen into place for me, and I knew that the next road was the right one, even though I didn't know what to expect or where I'd go next, or really what I was doing at all!  It's been a fun endeavor and I've figured it out along the way.  Things have changed, though, and I can feel it.  This conflict brewing in me has put me right back into "Freak Out Mom" mode, and this time, I'm paying attention.  I've had some concerns about taking this next step, about my own preparedness, so for the first time, (and because the time is now right) I unbuckled and climbed into the driver's seat. 

What I discovered over the weekend was that I'm invested in this emotionally.  I really hadn't supposed it before, but when I started to consider just giving it all up, a sad and empty feeling overcame me.  It surprised me to know that I really wanted this, because I always felt like I'd do it till it wasn't fun anymore--and it stopped being fun the minute I started freaking out.

After getting myself a Cliff's Notes version education on design/manufacturing/production/retail over the internet, and connecting with others within and without my little network, I finally saw the path that I need to put myself on, and it isn't what I thought.  It's neither "quick, quick, quick" nor "stop."  It's "slow down."  Imagine that!  I, who jump into everything at 100 mph, have just taken myself off cruise control and let off the gas.  I'm "speaking softly" in the moment and it's so refreshing!!!!  I no longer feel stress and worry and FEAR, because I have a different plan and a different path that takes me through all the preparation I need in order to eliminate it.

My Jan. 31st deadline is no longer.  I'm giving myself the next 6 mo. to a year to do it the right way, and I've never felt better about a decision in my life!!!  There's something to be said about stopping to see the big picture and I'm so grateful that this most important life lesson was one I could truly learn at a bright and hopeful beginning instead of at the end of fear and failure.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Good for you! Nothing is worth losing your sanity. You've got an awesome product (that will still be awesome in 6 mos to a year) and all the drive and brains you need to take it all the way -- when the time is right for you.