Life is But a Dream

Since Bridget has a double ear infection and Dixon's on his way to one, I'm at home today instead of church. The last couple of nights have been miserable with constant sleep interruptions (at least hourly) and night feedings that I thought we'd done away with. Makes it hard to be anything but grouchy come morning. On the plus side, I didn't have a mad dash to get all gussied up and out the door this morning, and plan to remain in my cozy, albeit frumpy, jammies for the duration of the day. Right now it's quieter than it has been in a while, with the older girls and Mike at church and Dixon napping. Bridget is creating all sorts of art projects with things from the Sunday Box while she eats strawberries, wearing an outfit she put together herself. Good thing we aren't making any public appearances today.

I'm still trying to climb out of my rut that seems more like a giant chasm at times (I know--the frumpy jammies and lack of showering don't really help), but I think I'm making progress--a little, but progress nonetheless. It's nice to have a little time to reflect on some of the troubles that have been weighing on me, and to try to both put them in perspective, and find solutions to them. I feel at times as though I'm one breath away from drowning, as I struggle to find peace. It occurs to me that I'm supposed to be learning some great lessons through this, and again, I find myself turning to analogies to make sense of things.

The Current and the Shore

My life's little boat that I've been row, row, rowing down the stream sideswiped some rocks, filled with water and went under. In the meantime, that stream emptied into a mighty river, sweeping me into its roaring current. I now have two choices. I can swim with all my might to get to the shore as quickly as I can, or I can ride the current to some distant location downstream. If I choose the first, I'll more than likely waste my precious energy fighting against the current that is going to take me where it wants to anyway. In the event that I actually struggle hard enough and make it to the shore of my own accord, I'll be lost, and will doubtless have to struggle again through whatever terrain lies between that spot of shore and safety. If I choose the latter, it will take every ounce of faith I have to relax and be confident in my ability to keep my head above the water, however, remaining in the water will allow the current to effortlessly carry me to that destination at the end of the river. There will still be treacherous rapids to navigate and the threat of crashing into protruding rocks, but both options are fraught with inherent danger and unpleasantries.

I realize I've been looking for the relief that comes from finally getting to the shore and planting my feet back on solid ground, but only the Lord knows what lies in wait along the shoreline, and He has further to take me. If I struggle hard enough and get myself out now, I won't be where the Lord wants me to be, or end up where the Lord wants me to end up. I'll have to struggle through whatever terrain lies between where I got out and my 'final destination,' and as a result I may never make it there. It will take longer and be harder, ultimately, than remaining in the current and allowing it to effortlessly carry me. I just have to try not to drown in the process. It's a difficult thing for me to allow myself to relax while in the river, but I know if I do, it will be easier and I may even be able to enjoy some of the scenery along the way. After all, as President Hinckley said, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

I was reading my friend, Ashlee's blog this morning and something she said really stood out to me.

"I have watched several people struggle to find solace in the midst of a trial. It seems to me that those who have the desire to be teachable while in the fight come out stronger. They do still experience frustration, loss, disappointment, sadness and more, but there is increased purpose and patience in their struggles. I think we can learn things the easy way or the hard way, and praying to be teachable makes every challenge just a bit easier."

I sincerely hadn't thought to pray for that, but I can see her point. By truly looking to and allowing myself to be teachable, amidst all this angst, I will be made stronger and wiser. And really, isn't that what the goal is? For wisdom is acting upon truth and knowledge. Now, I just need to find the courage to stay in the current.

Painting, Laundry and Cooking, Oh My!

I'm aware that it's 2:30 in the afternoon, but I had to sit and take a little break from all the manual labor I've subjected myself to over the last couple of days. Mike's been working at Meredith's all week so I've had a bit of normalcy return to this house. It was very much welcomed. I love being around Mike, but I think we were really starting to get on each others' nerves, being together nearly all day, everyday for the last couple of months.
Yesterday I was able to get all the trim done in the kitchen (yay!) which makes it actually look clean in there for the first time since we moved in 8.5 years ago! It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint will do to a room. And to my spirits! Mike didn't even notice it when he walked in last night; he just mentioned that I 'must've spent the whole day in the kitchen because it looked spic & span.' He got that right--all...day...long. It felt good to finally cross something off my two-page "things to fix around the house" list that sits plastered to the fridge like a permanent fixture. Unfortunately, I had to veer from the list today and spend all morning folding the mountain of laundry that took up all but "my" little spot on the couch. (Oh, that and take care of Dixon and Bridget.) I'm pretty impressed with myself that I even got dinner started in the crockpot before noon--Turkey & Wild Rice Soup. (Thank you CrockPot Lady!) Dixon's now napping and Bridget is using up some of her points she earned from her Job Chart to watch Arthur while she munches on a snack of little grape tomatoes. (As a side note, I've started leaving cut-up and bite-sized veggies in zippies in the fridge for the kids to eat whenever they want to. They've stopped asking for junk, and it's so nice that they can just go get whatever they want without having to ask. Because they're getting lots of veggies now, I've been less concerned about them eating all their veggies at dinnertime. They especially like cauliflower, green beans and carrots, and I don't even have to bribe them with Ranch dressing!)
Anyway, maybe I shouldn't have taken a break because now I just want to close my eyes and nap. I better not, though. With only 30 minutes before the girls get home from school, I hate to crash then wake up grouchy, which is usually what happens when I fall asleep in the middle of the day.

Being Productive

I have a nearly uninterrupted day today, so I'm going to see what projects I can get done around here before kiddos make it home form school. While I really need to finish the laundry, I think a better use of my time would be painting the trim in the kitchen that's been sitting bare for about 2 years now. I'm not sure when the kitchen will be this clean again, so I better get to it now! Wish me luck that little fingers don't imprint themselves on my newly painted trim...

My Job Chart

So I have to sound like an infomercial for a bit. See, I stumbled across this website while blog-hopping, and it has become my fast favorite. I can't tell you the number of chore charts I've started...and not stuck with for one reason or another. I think mostly because I hated the stickers that ended up on everything BUT the chart. Anyway, we've been doing this for the past week and the kids love it because they can log on themselves (They love having their OWN password!), click on the chores they did, and choose their rewards, which includes anything from story time to a new book, to a camping trip. I love it because I can keep track of everyone, customize jobs as well as rewards and their corresponding points. And I don't really have to do anything! Yeehaw! I hope the kids remain this enthusiastic about keeping up on their chores. Maggie cried the other night because she didn't have enough time to do the dishes before bed, so she didn't earn her points. If that's not success, I don't know what is!

Wow. The last few posts have sure been downers, huh? How about some happy news?













If you know of any, I'd love to hear it...

Update

After the accident, I was eager to find out how the driver was doing. I had no idea if he'd even survived, so I sent an email to the last people I knew were taking care of him--AirMed. I knew they wouldn't be able to offer much information, but I hoped they could at least tell me if he'd made it, and possibly refer me to someone else with more info. This is the email I received this morning:

Thank you for stopping. Not many people are willing to do that. Unfortunately I can't give out much information because of all the laws governing privacy of medical patients. I will say he was in very critical condition with a head injury, but is now doing much better. He was taken to Ogden Regional Hospital. To the best of my knowledge he did not have children. I'm only basing that on the fact that when the police notified his family his home address took them to his parents house and they talked with his parents and not a wife. There was a second person in the car who I was told was a hitch hiker. He is also expected to do fine. I'm very sorry I can't tell you more but again I do want to thank you for stopping and helping. Often the first to to arrive can mean the difference between life and death. He was a very lucky guy to have survived and I'm sure you were a part of that. Thanks Dave

That's all I needed. I'm so relieved that the kid is going to be alright. Thankfully, we are too.